Redmond, Oregon and getting there.

So I am now with Randy Norris and his firecracker wife Lynn. I apologize to all eager fans for having gotten a bit behind with my blog. I know that there are many of you waiting for the next installment in the life, times and sexual fantasies of a travelling biker and salesman.

So first of all a disclaimer:

The thoughts and ideas in my blog do not necessarily reflect those of the author or in anyway represent what is actually going on in his head. His head is confused at the best of times. The ramblings are the result of a meta physical feed from his late Grand Mother and the damage done to his head due to 31 years of having to deal with children, dogs, trade unions, doctors and motor bikes. No insults or hurt is meant or intended and I therefore apologise in advance if anyone finds anything I have or will write offensive or offhand. If you do find any of it offensive, pleas let me know and I will step up the attack.

I would also like to say, in advance, that this blog is an attempt at humour and at writing a very different blog as I am sure that no one wants to read a “today I went to” type of travel diary. There are enough of them around – called travel guides.

That having been said, after all this is the most litigious society in the world, the reason that I am behind in the the program can trace itself to my flat tire in Idaho. Yes Mom they spell “tyres” in the US, tires. So the money you spent on my education was not in vain. They also call electrical plugs – outlets, lifts – elevators and petrol – gas and robots – traffic lights!

So on Friday, instead of arriving in Walla Walla around 16h00, I eventually wheelied down the main drag at 20h00. Pulling up at the hotel, not a Relais and Chateau mind you, but a Hampton Inn, I noticed an extremely attractive woman standing at the entrance texting on her mobile. I had no idea where she had got my number – or who she was, but I was late so she must have been texting me.

So I am in that geographic area of the world known only to explorers and adventure motorcyclists. It is a WODES aka “ a woman desert”. My day goes like this. Wake up. Breakfast. Pack up and leave. Ride for 8-10 hours per day. Arrive. Unpack. Check in. Shower. Charge all electronics. Download photos. Find somewhere for a quick dinner. Catch up with blog and e-mails. Read if eyes will stay open. Remove Kindle from chest where it has fallen. Sleep.

Repeat the following day. Simon Huxter, you will also discover this WODES when you ride with me in South America early next year.

Riding a motorbike is also really hard work and very physically demanding. You cannot relax or take your eyes off the road for a second. Unlike a motorcar, a motorbike is inherently unstable. This difference is like that between a fixed wing plane and a helicopter. Or between a middle aged woman and an 18 year old having her first love affair. I have flown most of these and in all cases, all of the latter types are unstable. So if you take your hands off the controls in a fixed wing aircraft or a motorcar, the status quo will remain, all things being equal. The same does not hold true for a helicopter or a motorbike or —-! Hands off or lack of concentration equals disaster!

So by the time you reach your destination, you are tired. (Mom, in this case it is not the round rubber type of tyred but the exhausted tired). So the WODES  becomes  a self perpetuating reality. Once and explorer finds himself in a WODES, there are only two types of women, attractive and very attractive. The lady texting in front of the hotel fell into the latter category.

You should also bear in mind what she was seeing. A motorcycle, overloaded. Not a Harley but a real man’s motorbike! An apparition, by American standards, getting off it. Not in jeans, a T-shirt and a bandana, but rather a black BMW suited, helmeted, gloved space invader. I had stopped at a Best Buy a few days ago and walked in whilst taking off my helmet. There was a little boy standing with his parents. His eyes opened in amazement when he saw me. He looked at me and gasped in awe, “where do you come from?” and then said “ Mom – I want one of those suits too!”

Anyhow I am sure that this very attractive lady was not thinking that “she wanted one of those too”, however we did great each other and it was immediately apparent that neither of us was from the US. We established that I was from SA and she told me she was from BC. In this part of the world from BC does not mean Before Christ or from the Free State, but rather from British Columbia. I asked her where in BC and she told me Penticton. Now Penticton is exactly where I am going after Vancouver, as it is the wine capital of BC.

Turns out that she and the friend she was travelling with are in the wine business and are both married to the owners of two successful wineries. As a result I now have a full list of where to go and what to see and an altered agenda in Penticton, where I thought there was only one major winery, called Red Rooster that I am scheduled to visit. Turns out that there is a much bigger game in town with over 100 wineries. Unfortunately I will only be able to spend one full day in the area, as I will still have over 2800 miles to get to Anchorage and a date by which I have to get there.

It also turns out that the reason that the ladies were in Walla Walla is that this area is the wine capitol of Washington State. Another big find. There are sensational wines being produced in this area and the next morning as I headed out of town the topography and soils made the reason for this abundantly clear. Very similar to the Western Cape, in summer.

So, after an evening in Walla Walla, it was on the road again. Given the temporary plug in my tire I decided that a new tire would be the best option. I sourced one in a nearby town called Kennewick in Washington State. I had originally wanted to ride to Redmond in Oregon, which is where the Norris’s live, via Pendleton home of the famous Pendleton Mills. www.pendleton-usa.com We are great fans of their blankets, which are famous in the USA. Unfortunately this was now a non-event.

I arrived at the address in Kennewick, to find horror of horrors, that this was a Harley Davidson dealer. This is like arriving at an address for a blind date and finding out it is your ex girl friends digs! So in I went. The tire was waiting and they undertook to have me out of there, new tire fitted within an hour. Once again I had to unpack the entire bike. I am now an expert at this.

Harley Hell Pit – The man’s bike is on the left. The rest are for pussy’s

Two hours later I was still waiting. Off I went to the workshops. The arseholes had not even taken the wheel off the bike. I can do this in less than five minutes and they were still messing around. So I told them to stop. Repacked the bike, strapped the new spare on top of my load and off I went. Two and a half hours wasted. Nikita will not be a Harley.

Bonnie and I look like a Tunisian spare wheel dealer and his camel. We are loaded. It was still a very long ride. Over 250 miles to Redmond. Music on and balls to the wall.

Arlington for lunch. Note the tire on the top

A quick stop for lunch in a small town called Arlington on the Columbia River, my latest major river in the US. A dump, but one of the best burgers to date. The topography is changing, Getting drier. Wind Turbines everywhere. This is eco friendly territory. On virtually every hilltop there are hundred of these prehistoric looking wind generators. Just for Naomi. In the Northeast of the US more than 70 % of their electricity is produced by clean methods, mainly hydro and wind.

Grass Valley Hotrod

Then on through Grass Valley, where I stop for gas. The garage owner has a collection of hotrods. I talk to the owner. Everyone is intrigued by my trip. On the road again. 80 miles to go. Rain threatening. I stop. Wet weather gear on. Takes 10 minutes. Precious time. Off I go. No rain and I get too hot. Stop again. Gear off. Another 10 minutes. I should have been at the Norris’s at 16h00. Now 19h00 and still 30 miles to go. Harley arseholes. Could have been having my first beer and more.

Through Madras. Nearly there. Then at 19h45 I arrive. Randy and Lynn are waiting. The beers are ice cold. The biltong from Biltong USA has arrived.

Unpack again! A shower, which is like bliss. Shorts on and I join my hosts on their veranda overlooking the Deschutes River and the snow covered mountains in the distance. Other than the lack of my riding partner, it could not be better. I have five days in which to relax, regroup and enjoy.

Arrived. Beer view from the Norris’s

I will update you on my stay and some very interesting things such as

• Phil Knight, the founder of Nike, who has a ranch nearby
• Sorting out my kit and bike.
• Golf and Skiing
• The Smith Rocks
• Bend
• Bill and Penelope
• Kobayashe

In my next blog.

Tomorrow is the 4th of July which is the Day of Independence here. Randy and I are heading back to Portland tomorrow for the evening. He then heads to South Africa and I head to Vancouver Island for the weekend.